One Fine Day -)

A lousy-full-of-lectures-too-many-notes day in college may not necessarily end up being lousy !

Good things happen and happiness comes in small packages. The day adds-up to the firmness of the belief :)

An unexpected-light-on-pocket-so-so-tasting lunch during a cold-morning-warm-afternoon day at a yet undiscovered 'Mitraan Da Dhaba' on college road, in days when we are as broke as each other, as broke as we always are in a month-end !...so....good things do happen :)

Now..the small package part ! My sweet lil friend...Kiddie...is a small package :p. She is this sweet-small-town-girl who loves to dress herself up with goodies and shop..a lot :). She has got this fine air of innocence and nonchalance in every move. A rose is just enough to make the lil angel smile to the depth of her heart ! Have known this delicate doll-darling for 4 years now and the girl has been special since then...for you don't generally have a girl-friend (not girlfriend !) who just loves to wear 'chhote-chhote kapde' :P.

She is from a town too close to mine..and I still wonder (and so does she..I came to know this today !) as if this all is a setup ! Incidently..I come to MITCOE..so does she. We are unknown to each other. I get in a particular division of FE and so does she..in the same division. I'm seated in a bench right behind her only to befriend her and discover 'Oh ! You're from Maihar...:) I'm from Satna !'

Lucky to have you Kid..:)

Today, 4.30 pm. Me and kiddie go to CCD-LCR. We have the same orders for again..4 years now. She is 'Iced Eskimo' and I'm 'Tropical Iceberg' :P and whenever we meet at this very CCD...its these drinks and all the current state of affairs (;)) and there is some fun and some words of wisdom and lots of innocence :)

Having done with CCD we leave for KP..aimlessly. On the way she decides to get an Osho chappal for herself (God ! Don't they get bugged up of 'em ?!) but ends up with a colored strand of hair (nonchalance !..but great :)) spending every possible buck ! So now..we are left with these 20 bucks...and we want to have 'The Lane 6 Momos' !
My place is near..so we go there...collect 'chillar' as and where I find it...worth 12 bucks :)

Maths:-

20 + 12 = 32 bucks.

Momos = 25 bucks.

Savings = 7 bucks !! :)

So...One Fine Day :)

Dhruv. .

P.S. Satna to Maihar = 32 Kms :)

To you..again..

This morning..my mind was troubled. Many a things were just coming in and disturbing my mind. May be; these were the remains of the day before or lets say..remains of the day(s) before..

Nothing seems convincing to me in this state of mind. I try to find flaws in every damn thing/person. I think negative...'cause nothing seems to be going positive...and then...I wish I had you V. I could just tell you everything and be better off..'cause you'd have listened to me..and would've tried and convinced me that 'everything will come right'..

But...I don't have you.

:|

D. .

P.S.I'm never gonna tell you about my blog...I don't know why.

One. .

I'm sober.

Sometimes..I feel..is it too necessary to be that perfect person !?

I'm not perfect so...I hate myself...really.... do I ?! Or I want to be 'that' someone else...do I ?!

A slight unawareness of things can fuel up the screwing-up process of my a**. The good I do to the world is never accounted for unless exhibited. People are after me to make my thought theirs. I am asked to do things and be something which I don't want to ! Why is my life so controlled and watched out for. At a point...in this big big crowd where I am nothing (Am I?....nah I'm not..am i ?.. :(() why the expectations from me are so high. Academic pressure...the pressure of life...responsibilities...am I too young...'cause I think I'm not ready...while people think that I'm :|...confused ! This quarter-life-crisis is confusing me and I'm unsure about...well...almost everything :|

I want to be 'The One'...ammm...not sure :|

But..circumstances make me 'one' of 'em...

What to do ?! 'cause I'm so confused...so I settle for 'lets-see-go-with-the-flow' life...wherein..I console myself with 'my-life-has-just-begun'..though I'm already 21 !

That last line...rhymes :P

Dhruv. .

~Crooked and Strong~

Its a recall of events..

Look at this photograph......



Its been an year since this one was taken..thanks Aniket. It was hung in Sagar's kitchen all this while...but three days back when that shitty beer was in...it tasted/tastes awful yet it helped this masterpiece find its deserved place. I..dont know why..took it off the kitchen wall and started searching for a suitable wall, post my "yaar ye yahan sahi nai hai" and the reciprocation "haina !"...(can't recall rest :p)

My search for that "sahi" wall ends up in vain, 'cause non of 'em has a nail :|.

But..I'm a mechanical engineer...and to my advantage..a lil on the higher state of mind :p. I find a pair of converse shoes of Sagar (he doesn't wear 'em any more...KP once wore 'em)...unwind the laces out...'I'm gonna hang it..fuck nail and its absence' ;)

Back in the party-den-fun-room..Sagar's bed cum computer room...'the room' ;).I tie an end of the lace to one of those tube-light holders by a hang-knot...pass it through the nail slot in the photo-frame...and tie the other end to the second holder of the tube-light....while standing on a shrieking chair and Anant holding the frame all this while...as clueless as me...as to what are we up to ?!!

Nothing more of it that day.

Next day...Anant meets me with "Photo to sahi lag gai yaar.." !

Same day...I go to Sagar's. The photograph is at place we tied-fixed-hanged it but....is crooked :) A thought crosses my mind (..come on..I'm sober)...photograph is crooked...may be the way we are right now...but "ye dosti bhot strong hai" :)

Dhruv. .

To you. .

I'm sober.
Been an year today. Sometimes...heart aches for not being your 'special one' anymore but it can't be helped either. So..no hard feelings; no criticisms; no blame-game....just something about you V...and about..us.

Met you first in July 2004 and the friendship struck with that 'Chocolate Bet' over a mathematics unit test of 20 marks..and you won it. I was much of an introvert but I guess you knew that; for you always struck first and made me comfortable. The yet unknown girl from Kanpur was now a dear friend and making the misery of getting into KV fade away...Life started to feel b'ful and happiness was all around with you. Could talk to you endlessly...you seemed inexpressibly cute when you tried a lot yet couldn't say 'Tarrrrr..'...I started enjoying your presence and company. Hadn't had a 'good' friend...you fit in the shoe so perfectly. It wasn't love.

For the first time...I had started writing and I recall the time when you read it...and in a fist of fury I tore it apart and threw away the pieces (to the date..I don't know why). Next..you did what no one else could ha done..you recollected the torn pieces from outside the window...joined them back together and gave 'em back to me with a sorry. Something felt different within...hence forth...I felt the romance in the air blended with symphony of love...I was struck...

Towards the end of session 2004-05...I proposed my love to you (how stupid I was to do that on a phone call :p)...you were awe struck...and I was hell scared..didn't want to lose that friendship with you so I asked Abhi to tell you that it was just some-sort-of-practice (soo sooo soooo stupid of me !) But...(thank God!)..you didn't let anything change and we ended up becoming better friends. I still cant figure out what did we talk on the phone for hours; though we saw each other almost daily ! I joined that tution class so that I could get to be with you :p (may be I never told you this). I loved that chipki-hui-maggi-in-yellow-tiffin-box :) and also loved your writing on my notebooks and journals (you used to do a lot of completion work for me ! ;))..and back home I had every reason to wait for your calls and your cute-endless-bak-bak :)..many a times I didn't get much of it..but it was too lovely to be stopped :). Like a perfect temptress, you showed your signs...but never verbally came to those words...mind mind was always like..I'll-do-that-smart-thing-and-you'll-say-the-words.I was your 'Idiot'..something you calle d an abbreviation for 'I Do Ishq Only Tumse'..:) Damn...I was so in love with you..

Time passed by..as usual..at a much faster rate than one would expect :| but you still hadn't expressed, though your actions could say the story...:). Those long hours of holding your hand in mine on the back seat of the bus..and the way we planned 'our' home there...loved the moment...it was complete and awesome.

Towards the end of Std XII..it was sure that we were not gonna be together anymore...for you dad was getting transferred to Delhi. The very thought of not being with you depressed me like anything...and finally the day came...24th June, 2006.

You were leaving for delhi...and we all fiends came to see you off, at the railway station...I constantly faked the smile on my face 'cause...you were gonna leave...I didn't know when I'd see you next...how would I be with you...what would happen to our yet undefined relationship........I was devastated...

Same day...back @ home...at around 8.30 pm..I received a text message from an unknown number saying "I 4 U...V"
It was your dad's cell number and it was your text....for me !! I was happy beyond forever :))...the moment I waited for..!

I moved to this city in west India while you went to Delhi. Lots of shyness flooded in; for we were in a relationship now..and both of us still kiddish without any sign of maturity on either side...but it was b'ful :)...simple :)...loving :)....and distant :((. With time...shyness faded (completely...never :p)and we got to understand each other better. Your being with me in every phase became my strength...a perfect partner I could ever dream of..I discovered it in you for you were one hell of a company to share all the stuff in my mind with :)

With time...the distance began to pin...We could talk on phone..could text...but..something was missing. In this while..we met 4 times...I remember mom catching me pulling your cheek :). That b'day trip...that movie in Satyam...and the perfect moment...I wished it to be ever-lasting...:(

With different life-styles, schedules and the distance...things started to fade away...it was not like before...we talked less...texted more...sometimes I failed to communicate..sometimes you....and we started losing it..

The midnight hung b/w 16th and 17th of Jan 2009 finally took away my most precious possession from me....a relation with you. We sort of..broke up...:(


We still are best of friends...not just to say. Something that went missing for a while...something that had brought us together...now exists again and will..forever.....an understanding friendship.

Thanks for being there V.

Forever indebted to you; for what you made out of me...

Dhruv. .

Today :|

Start a day un-bathed..
only to make it to the class in time. Success or no-success..lies in the hand of the lecturer..master of the puppets cause according to him 5 mins late in his lecture means u're no good a creature on earth and u dont even deserve(and so you don't !) to sit for the second one too..

Heads down..saddie..walk a few steps to the fresh-crisp-8.37-am-sun-light adoring the balcony near by...aahhh...its soothing to be here..no more walking with heads down; koi ni yaar will be on time tomorrow :) sunny-lil-bit-of-cold-morning is good :)...havent made it to this first lecture in past 3 days :|..koi ni..just the first week...long way to go...sun's b'ful...oh ! colorful..the beautiful one ;)

...and the fun kept coming ! Just after the second lecture (fortunately/unfortunately I got to attend it).."Maraaaj Kitthhe ?!...ground pe mil" and we meet there to watch Mechanical vs. IT volley-ball match amongst "bahilalas and balbir pashas ;)"..some mechanical student specific slangs. Every average looking girl passing by, finds attention with "Oh O O O..Oh O O O ;)" by mechanical engineering boyss. IT loses to us..huh..just another brick in The Wall...also Mech's basketball team defeated EnTC's team which by far was considered as a threat. Anant played a hero today ( :p ).."chalgaiyyyya" !

Me and Sagar, then, missing a girls' handball match (why is it even a sport ! I guess..just something exclusively for male spectators :p)..go to FC's 'Smoking Stairs' to pick up Sagar's home door lock keys from Nishant bhaiyya..and ask Anant to take an auto to Sagar's place and wait there..(eventually...we forget this :P)

On way back from FC..we go tho Big bazaar 'cuz Sagar wants to get these knickers and sweat shirts...earlier during the ride we decided on changing our usual loose-shirt-dirty-jean-rugged-shoes-poor-guy getup to that of 'rich' guys so...sweat shirts and knickers :p

In the real big big..big bazaar we get real cheap deals (Damn..they dress up Dhoni and Asin real bad..but spend some time and you can surely end up with some good stuff ;})
He gets a pair of knickers and though it wasn't my shopping day..I end up with a couple of boxer shorts and a real cheap sweater (wear it..and you can surely let the people know "dude..its cold" :P). The sweater is interesting though..I'm gonna look like a perfect writer with that sweater on (Sagar said so !) and so after leaving the billing counter and moving a couple of yards...."nah ! I should get it" :p..and I do get it..I love it..its awesome..its 2.30 pm.



"Dhokebaaaaz...bhediye ho tum dono"...says Anant on fone @ 6pm. :p


Dhruv. .

P.S.Words of wisdom. Tomorrow Mechanical plays against IT in basketball finals..I wish we win and Anant keeps up high spirits and performs awesome. ;)

We're never gonna stop this train. .

Sitting at a side grass, near Mech porch. I'm wondering...do I really belong here; as a part of this crowd. Its been a long span of almost 4 years now..since I've been in this city..Pune. Coming here was not a choice...it was more of kinda...circumstances driven action. I've always believed that all that happens, is for one's good in some way or the other and so once again I just let it go...and believed it to be something good for me...besides...I had just entered into a relationship, so I was kinda..world-is-so-beautiful-when-u-r-here-with-me. But...eventually...i had to be with the people here since she was too distant to physically be with. And then it started....

The discovery of self. I had started missing Maa, papa, home, small-town warmth and every possible thing in that front...I started to like photography and no more remained a tea-tottler. I started wanting to travel through road...unlike before, I started to like biking....Pink Floyd and Nirvana started to make some sense to me. Break-up brought buddies closer and developed 'that' inexpressible bond. Booze came in blended with some melody and feeling of loss gave way to something-good-on-the-way. Being here started to make sense...found best of friends..memories were created. Cried to papa when I felt too heavy..never did that before...never felt like leaving home whenever I happened to go there...cried in train back to pune..cuz I missed Maa...was never able to decide on the answer to "What do you want to do in future ?" but now it troubled less than it did before..for though funny, but now I have an answer to this and I'm gonna try my level best to make it realize !

'All is over..nothings gonna be fine..all bad happens to me'....slowly got away from me and slowly I changed to 'everything's gna work out..dont worry'..a worth transformation for me for; I lost it when I dint get through AIEEE cutoff for centre but ended up in MIT only to find my life and self..good ! I lost it when she(P) left..but today I hardly think about her, many a things in world are yet to be thought about...good ! I lost it when V broke up with me..but today I know that someone is on way to me...good ! Was too frustrated and low spirited for not getting placed since the season started..but out of blue Essar happened...good...

Have come a long way. Long way to go. I have faith that everything is gonna workout someway cause the heart of life is good. The Train never stopped...we're never gonna stop it....

Dhruv..