I'm not freaked out, nor depressed...I'm trying to fix the things up for myself..a lil.
This 'thing'..it just goes on with me now and then..but now I hate to stay alone 'cause that's the time when it gets over me completely..and since I happened to have some time by myself yesterday..on way back from Uran..in bus..it got me..again..
Yesterday, while in bus..I recalled a day from September 2005. I have some real sweet memories related to the date. It was dark..she managed cuteness with that red tee and we had this perfect dreamy sequence in real..while the bus roared its way to the town. I held her soft hands in not-so-soft mine while innocent communion of our sweats defined the moment...
We talked about a little world that we'd carve for 'us'...the life that we'd make and the colors we'd fill together into it to make it the most beautiful thing ever. Life seemed perfect 'cause she made me happy and I wanted to do the same to her for the rest of my life..I so loved her..
Back at Sagar's..I sent a text to her. She didn't get back for quite sometime but when she did..it was with a news declaring that she's gonna be my 'neighbor'. I took it for 'may be her dad's getting transferred to Mumbai'..but as it turned out..it was regarding her dad getting a land to erect a house in Chitrakoot. I congratulated her. Next, she told me that the 'transfer' list is supposed to be out in April and Mumbai may be a possibility...
Now I did something which I shouldn't have..though I was honest..but I realize..it hurts her. I texted her back with 'getting back together' stuff.
With some brownie in..I realized the 'thing' again..Its totally wrong on my part to do this to her. Its been a long time since we separated..and I shouldn't get any more creepy. I have feelings for her..may be she has 'em too but 'us' getting together is no more a possibility..All I end up with is making her feel bad and uncomfortable..
I never wanted this..making her happy was my only wish..and what am I doing !??
I think..its time..to part ways and the final adieu..I wish lots of happiness for you..and cutting the crap of expectations to nil..I'm always gonna be there for you as the 'best-bud'..
Let me say this one last time..Love ya..
Its better be left to destiny hence on..